Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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