I'm lost and stupid without you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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