i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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