Need sex. Gaining weight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
