I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
