Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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