You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize