my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
