just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
