peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
