Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just found a bag of teeth...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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