I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
