you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
