Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
