he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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