I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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