I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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