I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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