alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize