under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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