there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
