there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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