I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
