is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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