Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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