Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
