she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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