i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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