he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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