I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
