My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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