im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
