ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
