so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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