the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
