throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
