I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize