i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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