I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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