You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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