we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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