Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
