lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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