Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
