New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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