3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
