it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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