do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize