wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
vagina is talking i cant
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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