i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Help. Why am I so naked?
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