it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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