just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
