i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
