Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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