pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
