its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
