Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
