I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
how drunk are you?
Several
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
