Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Enjoy the penises
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
