It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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