Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
