He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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