this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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