i came on her dog
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize