I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
