idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
