My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
