He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
