u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
