If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
