how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
zippers are such a cool invention
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
