You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
