I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
