No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Are these your boobs on my camera?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
