Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
