but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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